WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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