theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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