This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
