Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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