Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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