I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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