well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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