My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
