Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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