I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
