he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
