it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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