i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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