Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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