I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
