my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
