A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
