There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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