fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
