i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
