he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
