Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
