Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
