You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize