Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
false alarm. still invincible.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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