I think i peed on brittanys purse
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
