My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
