Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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