so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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