you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
