In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
