my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
