So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
