ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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