i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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