I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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