It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
