I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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