It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I currently don't understand fingers.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
