I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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