Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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