The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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