i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
