I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
