He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
