That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
