you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
