im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
