He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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