there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
