i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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