I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
