I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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