She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
