Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
