i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
