Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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