I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
