I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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