I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
