Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
