I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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