yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
