he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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