what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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