I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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