That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
