i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
