I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
