I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
