I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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