You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
