I faked an abortion last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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